One Vert, Two Vert, My Social Battery Don’t Give a Vert

I am a proud Military Brat. More specifically, a proud Army Brat.

I was born into this lifestyle. I did not choose it and I did not know anything different. In my early adulthood I read Military Brats by Mary Edwards Wertsch. It opened my eyes in a lot of ways, but I also realized the book came from a perspective I did not fully share. Some parts hit home, especially the chapter about Military Brats as Nomads. Other parts reflected experiences from a different time, different ranks, and different family dynamics than mine.

My father was a higher ranking Army officer. My mother lived through some of the things described in the book. I lived through some of them too, but always a little outside the center of the stereotype. A subculture inside a subculture. And while the military is slow to change, it does evolve. Like any institution, change only happens when the people in power allow it. That is true for companies, governments, households, all of it.

Even between my sibling and me, our age difference created two completely different versions of this life. They spent most of their school years in one district. I came in as a preteen and had to figure things out while puberty was already doing its thing. Military brats share a label, but our experiences are not identical. Still, growing up this way opens your eyes. Or at least I like to think it does.

For me, the best part of being an Army Brat was the moving. I got to live in places I never expected. I met people I never would have crossed paths with. I learned early that the world is bigger than the place where you eventually graduate. There is always more out there.

When you are the new kid often enough, you learn to observe. You learn to adapt. You learn the culture and pace of wherever you land. I think that makes us more tolerant, or I hope it does. Nature and nurture both matter, but being immersed in different cultures teaches you about yourself and about others. It stretches your understanding.

And honestly, I think that is what is missing in the world today. Tolerance. We get stuck in our routines, especially as we get older. We settle down and then we forget to go out into the world. You do not even need a passport. Just visit a different region of your own country. That alone can shift your perspective.

My biggest culture shock was not going from a military base to civilian life. It was meeting people who had never left their area. That still surprises me as an adult. I understand that not everyone has the luxury of travel and I wish it were more affordable for everyone. But I also think many people could take a short trip to a nearby city or a place a few hours away. Sometimes you just need to take the blinders off.

This goes for people in power too. They get stuck. They get jaded. Maybe they need to spend time in places they would never choose on their own. Step into someone else’s normal. Get uncomfortable. Because when we stay in the same patterns, nothing changes.

As a Military Brat, change was the pattern. It shaped how I see people and how I move through the world. If anything, it taught me that staying in one place is easy, but understanding each other takes effort. And maybe we could all use a little more of that.

Reflection. That’s what I’ve been sitting with these past couple of days. My mind keeps bouncing around, pulling threads from different years, different moments, different versions of me.

In 2001 a miniseries premiered on HBO. A show about young men who, when called upon, stood up and joined. Stood up and sacrificed. Stood up and did something. They became a Band of Brothers. They joined in 1941 after a day that would live in infamy. A day that would repeat itself, because history always finds a way to echo, just shy of 60 years later.

Ask any of us where we were that day and most can answer without hesitation. And if you can’t remember the details because everything blurred together, you remember the feeling. The world stopped. The world shifted. The world became something you didn’t recognize.

Thinking about this anniversary pulled me into other moments that cracked my world open. Moments that shifted everything.

I entered high school excited, ready to become whoever I thought I was supposed to be. Then 4/20/99 happened. High school changed. Safety changed. The idea of school as a place to grow and figure yourself out changed. And it hasn’t gotten better. It’s only gotten worse, even with people begging for change and presenting solutions no one seems willing to act on.

The world changed again my first year of college. I was in class watching a foreign film about a child chasing a red balloon. I wouldn’t remember that detail at all if I hadn’t walked out into a lobby full of silent students staring at the TV as the second plane hit. The shock. The terror. The devastation. It felt heavy enough to drop you to your knees. I can still feel it today.

Friends and family did what people did back in 1941. Stood up and joined. Stood up and sacrificed. Stood up and did something. For twenty years. And that’s where the similarities end. WWII ended in under four years with a clear victory. The war on terror lasted two decades and ended with no victory, no closure. We just left. The people who planned the attack are gone, but victory isn’t the word I’d use. And honestly, in war, is there ever really victory.

In thirty years I’ve lived through shifts in school safety, repeated cycles of history showing up in new forms. Attack. War. Recession. Pandemic. Each one hit at a pivotal point in my life. Each one diverted my path. Each one forced me to grow in ways I didn’t ask for. And sometimes I want to say give us a break.

Milestones, whether good or devastating, are meant to make us reflect. So why don’t we. Why can’t we learn from ourselves and each other. Why can’t we accept that sometimes the best thing is agreeing to not agree and moving forward.

And with all this reflection, why do I still feel lost. Why do I still feel scared that the world isn’t done with its tidal waves.

History always repeats itself. The signs are always there. We just have to learn how to see them.

Life sucks. Yep, I said it. Sometimes life just sucks.

I cannot be the only one who feel like giving up and living in a hole sometimes. I know I am not. It feels like, it seems like, every time we think we have things figured out or things are finally starting to move in the right direction, something hits us. Right hook. Something breaks. Left hook. Something horrible happens. Bomb drop. The world goes to pot and now you are stuck.

I feel like a rodent in that stupid wheel running as fast as I can and getting nowhere. No matter what I do or what we do we cannot get our heads above water. We turn right, but we should have turned left. We turn left and we were supposed to go straight. It is never ending.

So yes, life sucks. But life can be wonderful. Do I wish I was not here. No. But do I wish I could hibernate until all the bad goes away and suddenly I or we can get ahead again. Yes. Very much yes.

Yes, I know there are people who have it worse. I hear that all the time. Someone always has it worse than you. That might be true but my feelings are still valid. If I am feeling this way then let me feel this way. We don’t need to guilt each other or go into a competition over who has it worse.

I dislike these type of sayings. Another one I am not a fan of is the grass is not always greener on the other side. Well, you know what. At least it is green. Mine is currently brown and getting browner.

No matter what your status in life is we all feel this way at some point. We just have different versions of what life sucks looks like depending on where we are standing.

Now if your life sucks because you chose to do something awful, illegal, or shady that is on you. You get whatever crap karma hands you. I have no empathy for any of that.

But if you are going through a breakup or financial distress or job loss or the loss of a loved one or illness or family issues, I could keep this list going. I am with you. We are all with you.

Scream it to the sky. Life sucks.

But it can get better. And it will. I have to believe this. No matter what is going on in the world or in my area or in my circle it can get better. It just might take some time. And to be honest I am not the most patient person when I need the stress of life sucking to go away.

What do I do. Well, nothing and everything. I take a deep breath. I write. I talk. I cry. I do whatever I need to do. And when it still feels like life will not fix itself, I go through. Because what else can we do but go through. Sometimes moving forward is not the thing. Sometimes we have to go through the sludge and the guck and the crap to get to the other side.

And once we get to that other side it might be a good idea to look back and ask why did life suck at that time. Was it because of a choice I made. Or was it life giving me a swift kick in the butt. Once you understand it maybe you can change something next time. Or maybe you learn how you handle a bag full of life lemons. And maybe you can make a lemon meringue pie with it. I do not like lemon meringue pie or lemonade. Lemon water. I like lemon water. I digress. The point is to make something with the lemons so they do not rot.

And if you start to have those thoughts you know the ones I mean or a voice starts telling you to do harm, please get help. No one is better off without you. Not even the super villain from the crime shows. And you should never listen to any voice telling you to do harm. Someone in your life would miss you. You never know. Everything you are going through could be leading you to something better. You just might not know what that is yet.

Does life suck. Yes. Is the world on fire. In a manner of speaking maybe. But will it get better. Yes, I believe that.

My favorite time for driving in Summer. School is out, the roads finally calm down, and for a minute it feels like the world remembers how to breathe. And honestly, does anyone else hate driving now.

I used to love it. The freedom, the quiet, the let’s just go for a drive and clear my head feeling. Now every time I leave the house, I am either irritated, scared, or irritated because I got scared.

And let me say this upfront. If you are one of those people who goes from mild annoyance to full on homicidal rage behind the wheel, you need to get a grip. It is not that deep.

But seriously, why can’t anyone drive anymore.

I am not pretending I am perfect. I have done dumb things on the road. I know it the second it happens and I feel like an idiot. But at least when you know you messed up, you try not to repeat it. That is the difference.

Like the other day. Four way stop. I stop. She stops after me, but she is to my right. I let the car ahead of me go, then I go. And this woman, who absolutely saw me stop first, suddenly decides she should go too. She rolls forward like she owns the intersection and then lays on her horn at me like I personally ruined her day. She had pedestrians to wait for (we are driving in a historic small town road). She was not ahead of me. And if she had hit me, it would have been her fault. Come on.

Why are we like this. Why do people think it is normal to tailgate, cut people off, weave through traffic, or act like the road belongs to them and the rest of us are just in their way.

If I am already going ten over and you are still glued to my bumper, go around me. If it is a one lane road and I am going the speed limit, get off my ass. If we are in traffic and no one can move any faster, do not flick me off like I am the one controlling the universe.

And flipping someone off. Absolutely not. People’s crazy flags are flying high these days. You do not know who is going to go full Criminal Minds over a hand gesture. Do I sometimes want to. Yes. Do I value staying alive. Also yes.

So how do we fix this. I honestly do not know. People are getting worse, not better. All we can do is drive, ignore the idiots, and remind ourselves that half the time the jerk who cut you off ends up at the same red light anyway. Or turns at the next street. Or gets off at the next exit. All that drama for nothing.

And do not tell me you cannot tell the difference between someone being a jerk and someone rushing because something is actually wrong. You can see it. The panic, the crying, the fear. There is a difference.

Also, I will not lie. It is deeply satisfying when a cop is in the right place at the right time and catches one of the road goblins in the act. If that offends you because you drive like a jerk, that is on you.

For the rest of us who are just over it, I bow in respect. Deep breath. We will survive. This is coming from someone who remembers driving down a road and not seeing another car for miles.

Ok, I am jumping off my soap box, though I am sure I will jump on it again.