Choosing Conversation in a Loud World: Why Real Change Starts With How We Speak

Have you ever taken those personality tests? I am sure you know the ones, because I am 100% sure you have taken at least one in your lifetime. If you have been in any kind of job, I am sure you have been asked or told you must complete one or more. I have also heard there are some families that make potential in-laws take these tests to make sure they will be a good fit. Now, I am sure some of you are shaking your head at this, but think about it: we have a thousand different tests to help you figure out what box you should be in.

Well, what if you just don’t feel like you fit in any box?

What started this line of thinking? Nothing really—just me at the end of the day feeling mentally exhausted. I’m thinking, why am I so tired? Well, stress (because I am living, which is a whole different topic), work, you name it. Then I started thinking about something. I always say it is because I am in a job where I have to be extroverted, even though I am really an introvert. But then again… am I? Because I don’t always feel like an introvert.

And here’s the thing—we have all these “verts” now. Introvert, extrovert, ambivert, omnivert, and now, apparently, otrovert.

I know they’re supposed to be about your social battery—how fast you drain around people or how fast you recharge. But somewhere along the way, it stopped being about a battery and turned into a whole personality label. The test tells you which one you are, and suddenly, that’s your whole identity.

Though as I have gotten older, I am definitely not as friendly as I used to be. But is that because I am constantly draining my battery? Am I an introvert because it’s true, or just because a test put me in that box? All my jobs have been in some form of customer service; they require me to be outgoing. I am very good at it, too. I’m told I am polite and kind—even when I must tell people “no.” But even when I’m being my most polite, it still drains the meter.

So, am I really extroverted? Because when I come home, I am drained.

What I am trying to say, in a very long‑winded way, is that I think we have all placed ourselves in boxes. We needed a way to describe our personalities, so we took a test. Well, guess what? Like any test, these are really just a snapshot of that moment in your life.

I think I have been putting myself in a personality box. I am tired of people thinking that because I like to read and value my alone time, I wouldn’t do well in a large group or be able to work a room. I know there are people who are born to be the MC of the room, and that is not me. But I also know that I can be that person without a problem.

I don’t want to call myself an introvert, extrovert, ambivert, omnivert, or otrovert. (Yep, they added another one.) If I did need to put myself in a box, I would probably be an otrovert now. I have moved from introvert, to ambivert, to otrovert.

To be honest, while I would love to say all of these tests helped me—and maybe they did at the time—now I just feel tired and unsure where I fit. Maybe I should take another test to see where I am now, but I think at some point we just must learn that we are not just one thing. And honestly, throughout the day your personality can change.

We just need to find the thing that gives us joy and allows us to breathe. I know, easier said than done. It is why I started blogging; I know I can’t be the only one that feels this way.

When you first start your blog, you go through all the emotions of wondering if you even want to take up the mantle or not. Is this something you actually want to do? Then you start coming up with why you would and what it should even be about. And then you finally hit the part where you’re like, now how in the ever-loving hell do you do this? And yes, you can still have dignity and grace and use curse words. It’s all in the tone.

Once I got over the emotions and the overthinking and the stress and the worry, I got down to the brass tacks. First and foremost, if anyone ever tells you that starting anything won’t cost you money, they are lying through their teeth. Maybe not the first couple of weeks or months if you’re on a free trial, but eventually there will be a cost. You just have to decide what that cost is going to look like for you. So I’m going to go through the items I chose to use for my blog. This might not be what’s right for you, or maybe it is, or maybe it’s close. These are just the things that fit my needs and how I want to run this.

When I took stock of what was important to me, anonymity was high on the list. I needed to find a way to do this and still stay behind the scenes, backstage, behind the curtain. So I knew I needed a business email that everything could attach to. I also knew that if I wanted the option of monetization or merchandise later, I needed to set that up at the beginning instead of trying to figure it out later. If you’re going to do something, do it right the first time or you’ll end up spending more in the long run.

I went with Google Workspace. I already use Google for email, so it was familiar and an easy transition into learning a new system. It’s been a learning curve, that’s for sure, but having the base helped. I also already have a Microsoft 365 family subscription, which gives me flexibility later without adding more cost. Google is for my email and housing photos and documents for the blog; Microsoft is where all my writing and administrative work lives. They work well together and it keeps everything clean.

Then came the question of where to buy my domain. I knew I wanted to own my domain separate from my business email host and my website host; that was a must for me. I thought about going with one company that looked cheaper, but after a deeper dive, it wasn’t the right fit. I ended up using Namecheap and I bought my domain for 10 years. Yes, 10. I don’t want to worry about it, and having it for that long gives me time to get established while keeping someone else from taking it and turning it into a dirty site. Yes, that can happen. Or they can buy it and ransom it back to you. Once they own it, they can do whatever they want. Also, make sure your domain privacy is active. Namecheap gives it for free, which keeps my home address off the public record, a non-negotiable for me.

Next was choosing a website host. As a beginner, that is the most terrifying part. This took the longest and was the part that made me pause. I just couldn’t figure out which one would be the best fit. So I took my time, did my research, and figured out what I needed. I narrowed it down to two, but I decided on Hostinger. It fits what I need right now. I’m learning, and I needed something good for beginners that would let me grow in confidence. I do have experience managing websites; I just don’t have experience building one. So Hostinger it is.

Then I had to think about photos and graphics. I needed a place where I could create multiple things for different reasons but still tie it all together. So I went with something I already know: Canva. If you would like to save some money you can use the free version. I am right now, but I do intend to upgrade in the future. I am sure I will need the flexibility to use everything on their site. Just know if you use the free version you will be limited in what you can do. As I am already learning enough new programs, using Canva no-brainer.

The second big decision was whether to get a new laptop. My Surface was over seven years old and the keyboard decided it was retiring to Shady Pines. So we made the decision that getting a new laptop for the blog was the right thing. The Surface can still be used for personal things in tablet mode until it also retires. This was a hard decision and we went to Best Buy a few times, testing, looking, and pricing. It’s a big commitment, so you need to make sure you’re getting the laptop that works for you. I wanted portability, comfort, speed, and something that could be used for long periods without overheating.

So far, this laptop has handled the load. Every laptop gets warm, but I’m talking about the “nuclear-meltdown-shutting-down” kind of hot and this one hasn’t even flinched. You can buy things to help with that, but I haven’t looked into any of it yet. When I get into a zone, I work for hours with small breaks, so overheating could be a thing. The laptop we chose is the ASUS Zenbook 14, 16 GB RAM, 512 GB storage, Intel Core Ultra 7. This was the first purchase we made when we decided to start the blog, and I’m very happy with my choice.

So now Age Comes With Commentary is officially up and running with three posts. I’m excited to keep this going, and I wanted to share what I chose to use. This is not a “you should get these items” blog. I’m just happy with my choices for now, and if you’re feeling lost and don’t know what to do, here are some products you can look at knowing they’re being used for this very blog. Good luck, and I hope this helps if you’re on this journey or just living vicariously through Age Comes With Commentary.

If you’ve read my About page, you already know the general idea of who I am and what this space is meant to feel like. But that’s the overview, the “nice to meet you.” This post is more like the “pull up a chair and let me tell you how this actually started” version.

Blogging. Why did I decide to start? Honestly, the better question is when I even started thinking about it. To be completely honest, it all started with a couple of movies: Confessions of a Shopaholic and Julie & Julia. They made me think I could do this, but I didn’t want my name out there. I am not an attention seeker at heart.

I loved the idea of a hidden blog, like the Girl in the Green Scarf. There’s something freeing about being a tucked away, anonymous voice. Being heard without being stared at. It made me realize I really could do this. I’ve always loved to read, and I realized I enjoy writing too, but not in a “write a whole book” way. More in a conversational, columnist, talk-to-me-like-a-human way. So, for almost 20 years, it’s just been an idea sitting there. And if you saw my first post, you know exactly why it took this long.

So why now, and why this blog?

Honestly, it was just time. I finally know who I am, and I’m much more confident in that person. And like many people, I’m looking for a way to make a little extra money that actually fits who I am and how I live. So here I am, older (with the grey hair to prove it, though my hairdresser does a fantastic job hiding it), wiser, or maybe “seasoned,” though that makes me sound like a roast and cooking is definitely not my forte, and just not caring what people think anymore. Which, oddly enough, seems to offend people when you say it out loud.

This blog finally came into its own over the last few months because I figured out what I wanted it to be. A place for me and my other half to express ourselves, share our thoughts, observations, experiences, and the occasional product we genuinely like. What am I blogging about? Life. The lived in, messy, funny, frustrating, beautiful reality of it. What we see, hear, taste, read, watch, and trip over. If it catches our attention, it’ll probably end up here.

I’ve been told many times by friends, family, and even people I’ve just met that I should start a blog (or be a therapist or a lawyer). Apparently, I’ve been known to give suggestions, advice, and observations that actually help people, usually delivered with a little wit and sarcasm that somehow makes them listen. Now, if only I could take my own advice and suggestions. I’m a classic case of knowing exactly what everyone else should do while my own life sits in the waiting room. My running joke is that I should start a business where I’m not a therapist, just a paid best friend who holds up a mirror and lets you see yourself.

Do I know everything? Absolutely not. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how often we don’t say what we’re really thinking. We swallow it or soften it. But we shouldn’t. We don’t have to be rude or aggressive. We can say what we need to say with dignity and grace. That’s what this blog is about.

Have you ever been so nervous or terrified to start something new that you go down a rabbit hole and then completely scare yourself off? That is exactly what I did. For the last few years, I have thought about blogging, and every time, I got scared off—either by all of the information out there or by my own insecurities about my spelling, grammar, and my ability to write.

Talking about the rabbit hole… when you first get the idea that you would like to write a blog, what do you do first? You go to Google or your preferred search engine. By the way, it’s just like when you type in your symptoms and it always comes back saying you’re dying. I’m literally shaking my head while typing this.

I digress. You type it into any search engine and you get post upon post, site upon site, book upon book. You get the picture. Then you start reading them, and while they all say basically the same thing, they’re all a little different, so now you are more confused than ever. But you know what none of them really talk about? How scary it is. How stressful it is. How much does it cost? And if they do mention it, hardly any of them talk about how long it took them to figure it all out.

So, if you’re like me, you decide it’s too much and you just don’t do it. Then the idea comes back a few months or years later, and down the rabbit hole you go again. Except this time there are even more posts, more sites, more books. On and on and on it goes.

Oh, and even better, once you get past all the “how to,” “what you need,” and this whole niche thing… By the way, I’m not dogging niches. If you have one, you’re amazing, and I’m probably reading your posts or trying to cook your recipe, try your style hacks, or going to get the book you have recommended. I just don’t have a niche that I fit in, which was another reason I got scared off. I would not consider myself an expert in any one thing—life, yes; experience, sure—but a niche that I can do a blog around? Nope.

Then you find out that a “good” post is about 1,500 to 2,000 words. Again—that scared me off. I’m more of a get-to-the-point type of person, and 1,500–2,000 words is a lot for someone like me. So, I dropped the idea again. I told myself I couldn’t do this, that I wouldn’t be able to meet what’s “needed.”

More time passes, the idea comes back, and down the rabbit hole I go once more… except this time, I didn’t get scared off. Well, obviously, since you’re reading the proof. This time the rabbit hole wasn’t so much Alice in Wonderland, falling down a rabbit hole; it felt more like when Alice finds her way. It felt right. It felt doable.

Am I still scared? Yes. Do I feel like my posts will ever get to the wonderful level of 1,500 to 2,000 words? I really hope not, because that is terrifying.

And here’s the part I didn’t mention earlier: the idea of people knowing who I am—how do I stay anonymous? That was another big reason I kept backing away. Putting my thoughts out there is its own kind of terrifying. No one really talks about all the feelings you have when starting something new later in life. Is this something I should do? How much time will this take from everything else I’m responsible for? Will people even care? Is blogging still a thing nowadays? And the big one—what is the cost of starting something new?

I’ve never thought of myself as a writer, but I’ve always thought it would be wonderful to try. Where am I going with this very first blog post? Well, if you’ve always wanted to do something, try something, change something—do it. I will say it helps that I have an amazing support system and someone who will occasionally post as well, but I’m telling you: no matter your age, you can do this.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is leap, jump in, dive headfirst. (I hate to swim, so these analogies are sort of wrong for me, but you get the point.) Sometimes the time just has to be right, or you just have to be old enough, brave enough, or crazy enough to say ______ it. I’ll let you fill in the blank.

I’ll share more commentary as my process goes along—how I started, why I chose what I did for my blog, and all of that—but I think I’ll let those pieces come out when the time feels right.